Are You As Good of a Loser As You Are a Winner?

Dear iWoman Family,

As a huge tennis fan...and okay tennis player, who has been attending the U.S. Open as long as I can remember, there’s a moment that’s been heavy on my mind this week — one that brought the spotlight not just to the game of tennis, but to the power of grace, identity, and composure under pressure.

On Wednesday at the U.S. Open, Taylor Townsend — the No. 1 women’s doubles player in the world — delivered a stunning upset against Latvia’s Jelena Ostapenko, currently ranked No. 26. But it wasn’t just her performance on the court that went viral. It was the moment after the match — at the net — where things got heated.

Instead of a sportsmanlike handshake, Townsend was met with an insult-laced confrontation. Ostapenko accused her of being “disrespectful” for not apologizing after a winning shot clipped the net (a courtesy more customary than required). But then it turned personal — and ugly. According to Townsend, Ostapenko told her she had “no class,” “no education,” and added ominously, “Let’s see what happens outside of the U.S.”

Let that sink in.

In the face of what many are calling a racially charged and deeply disrespectful tirade, Taylor did what far too many of us have learned to do: she stood tall. She stood dignified. She stood in her truth and did not stoop to pettiness or prejudice.

Townsend didn’t flinch.

She didn’t return fire with fire. She didn’t need to. Because as Michelle Obama so powerfully reminds us: “When they go low, we go high.” And that’s exactly what Taylor Townsend did.

During her post-match press conference, Townsend stood tall, unapologetic, and proud.

“I’m very proud as a Black woman being out here representing myself and representing us and our culture,”she said. “I make sure I do everything that I can to be the best representation possible every time I step on the court — and even off the court.”

That’s how a champion moves.

That’s how you win twice — once on the scoreboard, and once in the court of public integrity.

She reminded the world — calmly and confidently — that not only had she defeated Ostapenko in New York, she’d done it before, in Canada. And with one final note of classy dismissal, she said, “She’s out of here now.”

So here’s what I’m asking you today:

Are you as good of a loser as you are a winner?

We celebrate wins, but how we handle losses — setbacks, criticism, shade — says just as much, if not more, about who we are. Can you take the L without bitterness? Can you hold your head high when your ego is bruised? Can you choose grace, even when the other person chooses disrespect?

As women — and especially as Black women — we are often expected to be both strong and soft, poised and powerful. And time and again, we rise to the moment with a grace that can't be taught — only lived.

So I leave you with this reflection:How do you show up when things don’t go your way?And how can we, as a community, keep showing the world what true character, leadership, and womanhood really look like — in motion?

With pride, purpose, and power

Join the conversation:

Let me know what you think. Was Townsend right in how she handled it? Do you think Ostapenko crossed a line? And most importantly — how do we as a community continue to model what true leadership, character, and womanhood looks like in real time?

Best,